he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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