Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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