he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
