I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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