My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
