i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
