I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
