were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize