we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
