I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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