I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize