OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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