i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
