You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
