I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sarcasm needs its own font
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
