some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
