just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
