So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
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You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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