i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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