If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
