sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
