I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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