don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
