I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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