Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
