that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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