I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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