absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
