smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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