Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
