Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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