I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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