your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
