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Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just invented taco cereal.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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