i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
