The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
