Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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