We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
