actually, I'm a sock model
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
