NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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