I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
