And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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