she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
