At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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