all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
