Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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