I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
