I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
