glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
