just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
