i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
