bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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