come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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