I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
