So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
