My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize