we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
