This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
