I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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