The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
