I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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