Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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