How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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