and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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