I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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