Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
